Life is going really well right now. Yesterday I went to the renaissance faire and spent way too much money but had so much fun. We even rode an elephant! It’s too bad there is no photographic evidence. I was the one who panicked Zoe did just fine and Matthew loved it. While there I bought several things about a puzzle ring, a black rose, a full belly dancing outfit, a pretty hat, and of course the goodies. We'll just north you go up there I even dressed Matthew. I got multiple column limits on how cute my child was which also makes me very happy. When we got back into Colorado Springs I watched the second Star Wars, original Star Wars movie, I find I like them more I thought I would.
Next week I have two job interviews one is in Air Academy High School and the other is at Falcon High School. I know when the job at Falcon High School is and I'm hoping to get it. Excited about the prospects in general but most excited to be going to school. I start in a couple weeks in August.
I want to thank my friends who've been in the past year I'm part of a wonderful household in SCA, other classmates at UC CS, and my church families. Everyone was helpful me through this difficult stage life amazing. My hope is that they can see the person they have helped to heal. Having Matthew has been a real eye-opener and again the health has been invaluable.
The goals and in the beginning of the year are slowly coming to fruition. I don't know that I'll run in a marathon this year but my hope is to at some point. As for self-defense am working on two different things and I'm super excited they seem like great hobbies.
I hope you enjoy my random grouping of notes and I will continue to update you on how things are going. "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present."
— Bill Keane
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Today
Something took me back a couple of steps yesterday that I did not expect. I found my former husband is with someone new; I don't understand why this took me back a few steps I've always known he would. Yet I found myself playing in the pool at the Y with his Niece (my informant) and my nephew. The innocence of children came through when she said if we were still married she could play with Matthew, among many other comments. I called and congratulated him while he was at work I knew he would not answer his phone. I genuinely meant that I hope he's happy in life. Yet today I'm sick at my stomach, I think this is more because he's moved on and I haven't. I’ve never struggled to get attention from men I struggle to keep it or want it.
I have taken on quite a lofty goal with my nephew and there's a lot of this I wonder if I've done the right thing. His mother gets out of rehab this coming Friday and she saying good things. I think he will go home sometime between his third birthday and my 26. Then my life will become its new normal but I will miss him terribly. I want to start dating again it's harder in my current situation but it can wait a few months I'm enjoying my nephew. If something comes along and want to be open to it. Today is a busy day and as I begin this process working on myself I look to the day that I will have a relationship that will be respectful, honest, tender, and devoted.
The thing I miss the most about being in a relationship is the person that keeps me in bed at night. Most people who know me know I fidget. With the person next to me I am able to stay in bed and usually sleep through the night. I don't want a relationship with George that clearly didn't work were toxics for each other. I was the only woman he's ever hit and frankly I was pushed way too far in terms of my sanity. Complements are not something that I except gracefully. When I'm told him beautiful I wonder if the guy is blind. When I told I’m intelligent I wonder if they've looked at my college transcripts. When I'm told I'm a nice person I wonder if they think the same if they really knew me. So obviously working on myself is a big priority as these are all things I truly believe about myself. I think maybe if I said I'm beautiful, I'm intelligent, and I am a good person it would be easier to let somebody else in.
I have no room for crutches at this point I need to be able to run free; I need to start focusing on today. As the old saying goes yesterday in the past, tomorrows a mystery, and today is called a present. There is a lot of uncertainty over the next several months but if I take it day by day things will go much more smoothly.
I have taken on quite a lofty goal with my nephew and there's a lot of this I wonder if I've done the right thing. His mother gets out of rehab this coming Friday and she saying good things. I think he will go home sometime between his third birthday and my 26. Then my life will become its new normal but I will miss him terribly. I want to start dating again it's harder in my current situation but it can wait a few months I'm enjoying my nephew. If something comes along and want to be open to it. Today is a busy day and as I begin this process working on myself I look to the day that I will have a relationship that will be respectful, honest, tender, and devoted.
The thing I miss the most about being in a relationship is the person that keeps me in bed at night. Most people who know me know I fidget. With the person next to me I am able to stay in bed and usually sleep through the night. I don't want a relationship with George that clearly didn't work were toxics for each other. I was the only woman he's ever hit and frankly I was pushed way too far in terms of my sanity. Complements are not something that I except gracefully. When I'm told him beautiful I wonder if the guy is blind. When I told I’m intelligent I wonder if they've looked at my college transcripts. When I'm told I'm a nice person I wonder if they think the same if they really knew me. So obviously working on myself is a big priority as these are all things I truly believe about myself. I think maybe if I said I'm beautiful, I'm intelligent, and I am a good person it would be easier to let somebody else in.
I have no room for crutches at this point I need to be able to run free; I need to start focusing on today. As the old saying goes yesterday in the past, tomorrows a mystery, and today is called a present. There is a lot of uncertainty over the next several months but if I take it day by day things will go much more smoothly.
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