Today

Written a few days ago with no net. My Great Aunt has passed.

I began my classroom observation today. The classroom I am in is for students with higher needs, I felt a lot of compassion for the students. One of the little ones seems to be a non verbal and smiles all of the time. He was a bright light in my day along with many of the other students. I believe I am on the right track with this discipline but am not sure. Self doubt is a place that I live these days and I have been put into a position that I am not sure of anything. Currently I am trying to grasp God and not let go. This is easier said than done.

I saw something on TV tonight in which a man was having a heart attack and his wife was standing next to him in tears and it allowed me to let out a few tears. I am trying to deal with the fact that he simply doesn’t want me anymore though it is a hard reality. He is moving on already and it hurts me to believe that I was more of a burden then a blessing. Currently I count it as a good day when I get up and am productive that day but my “to list” is a mile long even as I type I feel as though I get no rest. Sleeping almost seems pointless except for the fact that I am less able to manage my life without it. I am still getting used to my not our. Endless questions fill my head but the biggest of which is why did he do this to me/us.

Anyone reading this please pray for a job for me that will be fulfilling, my dad’s recovery, and my great aunt who is nearing death.