Yesterday

I did not sleep last night or rather limitedly. I am very sad and wondering if that will ever go away. On top of everything else I know feel betrayed by someone I know. Yesterday I wish I didn’t have the feeling of I have to know as today I know and it has really helped. It was no revelation I felt like I had to have a definite answer so I was not crazy. He is not alone but I am it no surprise it his pattern. The question is why did something I knew was likely to happier and the later intuition of who it was with hurt me so. This seems silly in so many was but I cannot let it get to me; it is done, that the joy of the past it cannot be changed.

I really hope this makes me strong and able to move forward in a good way. I am going to have yet more trouble trusting men. I am the only one who can change that though; I start counseling today and am thinking about meds. I really don’t want to go the route of the latter. I am sad but I am hoping that every day I put that a little more behind me. I have fears of being 80 and alone with a bunch of cats but I keep reminding myself yesterday does not determine tomorrow.

Please pray for healing for everyone evolved and strength for those who are helping to hold me up.